11 Things to Consider When You First Get Engaged

This is a fabulous start to the New Year for you, and I’m sure you’re feeling all kinds of things right now – excited, daunted, overwhelmed – and that’s perfectly normal.

Getting engaged is a life-changing moment (as it should be), and to help navigate you through these first steps, we’ve written a handy little guide below. Hopefully, it will help, but most importantly, I hope it will make you take a breath and really enjoy what’s to come.

Shall we start?

TELL YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS

First things first… you should probably tell people you’re engaged!

I remember calling my mum within 5 minutes of finding myself engaged. I was just so excited and couldn’t quite believe what had happened. I just wanted to share the news! Looking back, I wish I’d taken a moment to enjoy being present with my husband-to-be.

So yes, absolutely get the news out to friends and family over the next few days, but think about how you want that announcement to go and when you want to share it.

BOOKMARK OUR PLATFORM

Unless you’re a wedding planner or event organiser, this is probably going to be the very first time you plan a party this big. So, I’m guessing you’ll probably need some help along the way, and this is where we come in!

Our platform is a pretty ace place to start your planning journey. We have a wonderful collection of 600+ curated venues for you to peruse on our Venue Finder, but we also have a plethora of expert advice waiting to be explored!

Under ‘Planning Advice’ in the main menu, you’ll find our Venue Search Tips, Planning Tips by Katrina Otter Weddings and The Wedding Coordinators, and a list of Suppliers We Love to work with. If you want a head start on the Gift List, you’ll also discover our fave – The Wedding Shop.

You’ll also find inspiration and advice on the blog in a beautiful browsable feed, and a mention here for ‘The Tythe Interviews‘, which are full of helpful advice from wedding experts and the team at one of our fave Cotswolds wedding venues – Tythe.

CHAT BUDGETS

This is the first wedding planning headache you’re probably going to experience.

No one likes to talk about money, but having this chat before you do anything else planning-wise is essential. Our Resident Wedding Planner, Katrina Otter Weddings, has some fab budget advice in the archives of our planning page, including ‘Planning Your Wedding Budget‘, and I’ve written a ‘Wedding Venue Budget‘ guide.

All budget-related chats can be found here, and this feature might be helpful, too, as it’s all about how to plan your wedding as a team.

Current Climate

Whilst the pandemic feels like a distant (albeit still pretty horrible) memory, we are still in a constant cycle of uncertainty. I think it would be remiss of us to chat about the importance of budgets, how to start the planning, and, of course, get you excited about beginning the venue search without being very aware that a wedding can be a significant outgoing, and during the current climate this could be a real concern.

Caitlin has written a great article about how you can look after your budget and make it stretch that little bit further – so have a read here.

PICK YOUR WEDDING PARTY

Let’s face it: when you announce your engagement, everyone will want to know: a) are they invited and b) do they have a key role? However, pause right there! Don’t feel pressured into making any decisions too soon. Yes, it’s lovely that your friends and family want to be a part of your big day, but it’s also important you take the time to make the right decisions now to avoid any future headaches.

Choosing your wedding party is also very much tied into your budget as you’ll no doubt want to kit them out in some fancy gear or put them up for a night or two at your chosen venue. So once you’ve had this sensible money chat, work out who you want to be standing by your side on your biggest days. Here is an excellent guide to ‘Modern Day Wedding Party Roles & Responsibilities‘.

GET ON PINTEREST + INSTAGRAM

I married in 2013 and spent most of 2012 down a Pinterest-shaped rabbit hole. It’s a brilliant source of inspiration, but please remember it’s just that! What you’re seeing will undoubtedly be beautiful styled shoots and weddings where the budget might be a little out of reach, so by all means, create moodboards to share with your chosen suppliers, but always be guided by your budget about what can and can’t be achieved.

Instagram; it’s a place where you can easily engage directly with wedding venues/suppliers and see their latest weddings and projects. However, don’t just scroll through all the pretty images; read the captions to ascertain whether the pictures the supplier shares are their own work. This important point could influence your decision-making when searching for suppliers.

CHOOSE A DATE

I don’t mean you need to choose an exact date right now, but I think it’s essential to consider the seasons, how this might affect your budget and any key dates important to you or your family.

If we’d spent more than five minutes on this subject, I would have suggested a beautiful autumnal wedding in October (the best month to marry if you ask me!). Still, we married on the hottest day, 15 days before my husband’s birthday in August. Our first planning fail and one I remind him of each anniversary.

So in summary, – think carefully about your date.

These articles may be helpful.

• What’s the best time of year to get married?
• Things to consider when planning a weekend wedding

START THE VENUE SEARCH

The venue search is all kinds of stressful because there’s so much pressure to find the ‘perfect’ venue, so I’ll let you into a secret that will hopefully help prevent some of that stress… There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ venue.

Yes, I said it. It’s best to get it out there.

Venue hunting is challenging and quite an emotional first purchase for your wedding. And whilst we adore every venue in our collection, you still need to be prepared for compromises, negotiating and possibly some hiccups. We’ve written about this several times across this website, but you can find some basics on our Venue Search Tips page and some helpful articles by Caitlin.

My best advice is to think about what’s important to you on the day. What do you need from your venue? Supplier flexibility? Accommodation for all your guests? Good transport links? An hour from London? Narrow it down to your essentials and nice-to-haves. Then have fun planning your romantic road trips, and get out and visit some beautiful venues if you can!

Look out for upcoming open days and showcases, too! It’s a great way to explore your venue in more detail, and they might even have some of their incredible suppliers there to chat with.

If you can’t currently visit your shortlisted venues, many venues offer virtual venue tours over Zoom or WhatsApp, so get in touch to see if this is an option.

Communicating

Be patient when you reach out to venues and suppliers over the next few days and weeks. As they emerge from their cosy Christmas bubble and enter January, many just-engaged folks land in their inboxes.

Also, social media inboxes are messy, so don’t be tempted to message venues or suppliers there – it’s super hard for them to a) respond or b) keep track of their couples and enquiries. Instead, head to their website and explore – do they have their pricing and brochure available to view first? If you can’t find what you’re looking for, or you love what you see and want to know if they’re available, then message them through their desired comms – this could be an online form or an email.

Prioritise self-care

After the last few years, we’ve all realised just how important a bit of self-care is!

‘Self-care’ will mean something different for everyone, so whether it’s booking a spa treatment, going for a run, journalling, seeing friends or family, spending time on your own, or booking a trip to look forward to – prioritise self-care for you and your partner throughout your engagement. You’ll be thankful you took those moments to decompress and come together.

ENJOY THE BUBBLE!

You don’t need to have planned your whole wedding in the first 24 hours of being engaged! Or even the first week, month or year! The key to getting engaged is to ensure you enjoy your journey and enjoy one another at this precious moment in your relationship.

Take time planning your celebration and remain in that just-engaged bubble for as long as you want, my friend. We’ll be here waiting to help when you want to find that venue.